It was six years ago today (we got married!)

I livew in my own little world

On April 15, 1993, I was standing in line at the Bank of A&M in College Station, Texas, to transfer money from savings to checking to cover the check I was writing to the IRS later than afternoon.

Late that night, after packing the Mustang GT with 100 CDs, enough clothes for a one-week drive, and $5,000 in cash, I left for Canada to commit suicide. It wasn’t the IRS, although I have heard of the IRS driving people to death. Rather, it was sexuality—mine—which I couldn’t reconcile with my Mormon (mom) and Catholic (dad) upbringing. Thus, at the age of 38, I was going to choose suicide.

It’s a two-week story of how I wound up in San Diego, but I did…. And I stayed.

On May 26, 1994, I met Jim Frimmer at the Men’s Coming Out Support Group at the San Diego Center for Social Services. It was actually the gay and lesbian center, but even as recently as 1994 you couldn’t have a telephone number listed for anything “gay” or “lesbian.”

At that time I was working as a consultant in Detroit, Michigan. The company provided me with a free trip home once a month, and May 26, 1994, was my first trip home. We had dates on the 27, 28, and 29 before I had to go back to Detroit. After those three dates, we were pretty sure we were committed to each other.

In November 1995, after I had returned to San Diego permanently, we moved in together and commingled our finances and our lives—a common-law marriage, although not recognized as such since it was between two guys.

On July 31, 2004, we got domestic partnered (such an ugly term) when Domestic Partnership came to California.

Then, in May 2008, the California Supreme Court effectively made same-gender marriage legal in California with one of its rulings. Almost immediately, religious political extremists started gathering signatures for a voter referendum on “gay marriage” and succeeded in getting it on the November 2008 ballot. A week before the election, the polls weren’t looking good for same-gender marriage, so I asked Jim to marry me….

….and on October 30, 2008….


The referendum passed, which meant that same-gender couples could no longer marry in California. But what about the 17,000 same-gender couples who had married in California between May and November 2008? Well, in May 2009, the California Supreme Court ruled that since those same-gender couples had married legally, their marriages would remain legal.

Religious political extremists sued to have them declared null and void, but they lost. Since that time same-gender marriage has been taking the United States state by state, and it’s only a matter of time before all 50 states recognize the love between two people of the same gender.

So happy anniversary to Jim Frimmer. Thank you for being a significant part of my life for over twenty years.

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69 thoughts on “It was six years ago today (we got married!)

  1. Tasty Eats Ronit Penso

    Reading your post I can’t help but feel so sad, that you had to struggle so much for the right to love and marry whoever you choose. How can anyone be against two people loving each other is really beyond me. Glad things are getting better in this sense. Happy anniversary! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. rachez

    Wow, you are absolutely inspirational! So many people don’t understand the struggle of the LBGT community and you are a such a strong person and I am so happy for you! Congrats on having 6 years with your husband and I hope you enjoy so many more!!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. rachez

        True, and haters will always hate. But love is so much greater and you found that so good for you! Keep your head up- too many people would kill to see you fall. 😉


  3. Sue Dreamwalker

    Congratulations Russel and a Happy Anniversary to you both. I am so pleased that the law has changed .. It was around 10 yrs ago I was asked by two gay friends to preside over their ceremony and give them a blessing… It was both and honour and a privilege to be asked.. I wrote them a long poem in celebration ….. Enjoy your Day! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Russel Ray Photos Post author

      It’s amazing that throughout history people, and groups of people, have been trying to control other people. One would think that in the modern world that would not happen. But I think that as long as their are countries and religions, there will always be people trying to control other people.


  4. ViewPacific

    Congratulations! Passing twenty years together in any constellation is a testament to your mutual kindness and probably flexibility. Doing so as pioneers is like a gift you’re giving to the many who choose to love who they love.


  5. Bluebird Annie

    So glad you were able to persevere, rise above the noise, and find your own place in the sun with someone who has made your life so rich. Happy Anniversary and may the two of you celebrate many more!


  6. Dalo 2013

    Post of the Year ~ incredible and absolutely the best wishes to you and yours. What an amazing thing to see how life can be transformed, and also a great understanding that no matter how low you may feel/be ~ things can and will get better. Congratulations!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. kelihasablog

    Late once again, but Happy Anniversary!! ❤ I'm so glad that you didn't try the suicide route. God made you (just my opinion) and He doesn't make mistakes. You're a person with a beautiful heart and soul! And that's not even mentioning all that talent you have …. Hope you have many more!

    Liked by 1 person


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