On April 15, 1993, I was standing in line at the Bank of A&M in College Station, Texas, to transfer money from savings to checking to cover the check I was writing to the IRS later than afternoon.
Late that night, after packing the Mustang GT with 100 CDs, enough clothes for a one-week drive, and $5,000 in cash, I left for Canada to commit suicide. It wasn’t the IRS, although I have heard of the IRS driving people to death. Rather, it was sexuality—mine—which I couldn’t reconcile with my Mormon (mom) and Catholic (dad) upbringing. Thus, at the age of 38, I was going to choose suicide.
It’s a two-week story of how I wound up in San Diego, but I did…. And I stayed.
On May 26, 1994, I met Jim Frimmer at the Men’s Coming Out Support Group at the San Diego Center for Social Services. It was actually the gay and lesbian center, but even as recently as 1994 you couldn’t have a telephone number listed for anything “gay” or “lesbian.”
At that time I was working as a consultant in Detroit, Michigan. The company provided me with a free trip home once a month, and May 26, 1994, was my first trip home. We had dates on the 27, 28, and 29 before I had to go back to Detroit. After those three dates, we were pretty sure we were committed to each other.
In November 1995, after I had returned to San Diego permanently, we moved in together and commingled our finances and our lives—a common-law marriage, although not recognized as such since it was between two guys.
On July 31, 2004, we got domestic partnered (such an ugly term) when Domestic Partnership came to California.
Then, in May 2008, the California Supreme Court effectively made same-gender marriage legal in California with one of its rulings. Almost immediately, religious political extremists started gathering signatures for a voter referendum on “gay marriage” and succeeded in getting it on the November 2008 ballot. A week before the election, the polls weren’t looking good for same-gender marriage, so I asked Jim to marry me….
….and on October 30, 2008….
WE GOT MARRIED!
(legally)
The referendum passed, which meant that same-gender couples could no longer marry in California. But what about the 17,000 same-gender couples who had married in California between May and November 2008? Well, in May 2009, the California Supreme Court ruled that since those same-gender couples had married legally, their marriages would remain legal.
Religious political extremists sued to have them declared null and void, but they lost. Since that time same-gender marriage has been taking the United States state by state, and it’s only a matter of time before all 50 states recognize the love between two people of the same gender.
So happy anniversary to Jim Frimmer. Thank you for being a significant part of my life for over twenty years.
This post approved by
Zoey the Cool Cat
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Happy anniversary! I’m happy with you that you found THE ONE!
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Thanks, but it’s only been 20 years, so I’m not sure he’s the one, yet…………LOL
(P.S. He’s reading the comments……)
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Congratulations and many years ahead of beautiful love.
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Thanks!
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Happy anniversary!
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Thank you! One anniversary down and many (hopefully) more to go!
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Reading your post I can’t help but feel so sad, that you had to struggle so much for the right to love and marry whoever you choose. How can anyone be against two people loving each other is really beyond me. Glad things are getting better in this sense. Happy anniversary! 🙂
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Thank you. It is sad that people like to control other people……..
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Happy anniversary! Hope you have a wonderful day and wishing all the best for the years ahead. xx
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Thanks. We’re postponing celebration until this weekend since we both have to work today.
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Great idea. Then you get a whole weekend to celebrate. Have an awesome time. Xx
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Wow, you are absolutely inspirational! So many people don’t understand the struggle of the LBGT community and you are a such a strong person and I am so happy for you! Congrats on having 6 years with your husband and I hope you enjoy so many more!!!
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Thanks. It’s still a struggle even here in La Mesa where I live because it’s a relatively religious conservative suburb of San Diego, and even San Diego has its problems still.
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True, and haters will always hate. But love is so much greater and you found that so good for you! Keep your head up- too many people would kill to see you fall. 😉
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Many congratulations. What a lovely tribute.
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Thanks, Susan!
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Wish you happy anniversary
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Thank you, Yoshiko!
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Welcome, Russel 🙂
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Happy anniversary!
Esther
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If you wanted to send me a really cool quilt for my anniversary, I would not turn it down…………LOL
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Ha ha! I thought so! 😜
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Congratulations my friend!!!! Enjoy many more years ahead!
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Thanks!
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Congratulations Russel and a Happy Anniversary to you both. I am so pleased that the law has changed .. It was around 10 yrs ago I was asked by two gay friends to preside over their ceremony and give them a blessing… It was both and honour and a privilege to be asked.. I wrote them a long poem in celebration ….. Enjoy your Day! 🙂
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How so very special for those two!
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Happy Anniversary . . . and many congratulations.
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Thanks!
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Happy anniversary and many more happy years together ❤
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Thanks!
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Aww, so sweet! Happy anniversary! ❤
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Thanks!
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Congratulations on your happiness, nice to hear a happy ending (well more a happy continuation really), I hope the next 6,16, & 60 years are as happy (OK, the 60 is a bit of a stretch, but who knows?).
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Yeah, 60 years might be stretching it………..LOL
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Best wishes for many more married years together for you and Jim! Perhaps one day marriages like yours will be able to take place in Texas!
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I predict Texas by July 2015, and probably earlier actually. Just depends on the appeals court, but I think they will act before July 2015.
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Congrats!!! Happy Anniversary
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Thank you! Zoey the Cool Cat sends her love to her four-legged friends!
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Happy 6th Anniversary! M:’)
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Thank you!
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Happy anniversary to you both! Zoey, too!
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Ah, yes. Zoey, too! Can’t forget Zoey the Cool Cat since she’s been with us longer than we’ve been married!
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Happy Anniversary! Nothing like a great partner in life. That’s the best. ❤
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Thanks!
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Hmmm; I wonder what the decision would have been if a group of people had the power to decide whether my husband and I could get married…
Good luck to you and Jim; enjoy your marriage always.
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It’s amazing that throughout history people, and groups of people, have been trying to control other people. One would think that in the modern world that would not happen. But I think that as long as their are countries and religions, there will always be people trying to control other people.
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Happy anniversary 🙂
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Thanks, Natasha!
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Congratulations! Passing twenty years together in any constellation is a testament to your mutual kindness and probably flexibility. Doing so as pioneers is like a gift you’re giving to the many who choose to love who they love.
Vincent
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So very true! Thanks!
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Wonderful – congratulations to you both!
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Thank you! Does that mean I’m getting a white peafowl chick for my anniversary?…………LOL
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So glad you were able to persevere, rise above the noise, and find your own place in the sun with someone who has made your life so rich. Happy Anniversary and may the two of you celebrate many more!
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Congratulations!!! Wish you many more happy anniversaries. And, best wishes to Zoey the Cat 🙂
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Thanks!
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lovely
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Post of the Year ~ incredible and absolutely the best wishes to you and yours. What an amazing thing to see how life can be transformed, and also a great understanding that no matter how low you may feel/be ~ things can and will get better. Congratulations!
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Thanks!
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Congratulations! ❤
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Okay, so I was a little early with my Happy Anniversary greeting yesterday. So I will say it again. Happy Anniversary. 🙂
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Congratulations! Happy Anniversary! Hugs and kisses to you both! I carry you in my heart! ^..^
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The story started out rough, but has a beautiful ending! Congratulations to you and Jim!
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Happy Anniversary – Many more years to shine and bring much more success!
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Happy Anniversary! I hope you have many more in the future!
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Late once again, but Happy Anniversary!! ❤ I'm so glad that you didn't try the suicide route. God made you (just my opinion) and He doesn't make mistakes. You're a person with a beautiful heart and soul! And that's not even mentioning all that talent you have …. Hope you have many more!
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Thanks!
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Congrats!! No wedding pictures?
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No. It was a very simple wedding with me in my flip flops, shorts, and tank top………LOL
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20 years you need a medal 🙂 Only joking xxxx Happy belated anniversary guys xxx
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